Reconcile

I haven't been myself in a while. For the past few years, I have been straining to hold up relationships that are dragging me down. Until I start thinking about what is best for me, I can't become a better person and friend. I need to reevaluate who and what gets my time and attention. I'm going to begin backing away from relationships that are toxic, one-sided, and imaginary. 

Toxic relationships, you make me mean. You make me judge people for the clothes they wear it or what they put on Instagram. You encourage me to harshly criticize the passions of others. I love you and the people that you used to be. However, I need to save myself now. 

One-sided relationships, you make me angry. We used to have so much fun, but now, I don't even matter to you. I still considered myself one of your best friends even after I was cast aside for the newer and shinier people. If we've drifted apart, that's fine. It happens. However, if you ever want to fix what's broken, I'm a phone call away. 

Imaginary relationships, you break my heart. I'm coming to realize that our entire relationship is in my head, and that you never actually cared about me. I liked the idea of you. I refuse to waste my time and energy over missing you and getting upset that you don't care, when I don't ever grace your precious mind space. However, you might care and not be very good at showing it, so I offer forgiveness. 

I love and care about you all even if I'm backing away for now. I'm not strong right now, and I need to heal. There are friends and family that care about me and encourage me to be my best self. I fear I've lost my spark. I hope I find it, and I hope you find what you're looking for. 

Caleb Gibbs