I'm not that smart. Well, not by the standards that most people hold. School has been frustrating to me for a very long time. A professor throws out a lecture, and the class engages with what he/she says. Not me. I'm sitting in my chair still trying to comprehend what in the world we are talking about. I have tried so many different strategies on how to make my brain better at understanding. When you're in college, this is very frustrating. If there were classes on how to lighten the mood in the boring or bleak situations, I would feel great.
I look around at my peers, and by golly, they are so smart. Seriously, they are the coolest. They take the information that they are given and do interesting things with it while talking with the professor. Meanwhile, I'm melting in my seat because I don't understand anything. I try, and I try, and I try, but I still feel inadequate. I look to my left and see a friend that is so talented in this one academic field. Everybody goes to this person for help in that class. To my right, is a girl who is so smart in every class, and she always has good things to say. Then there's me. I just want to be "smart at something." In a religion class, being able to sing and write sketch comedy isn't going to do much good.
I feel as if the skill set that God has given me does not line up with where He is taking me. Who knows? Maybe someday, I'll be in a place where my skills are the perfect fit for where I need to be, and I will finally feel like I am adequate. Until that day, I feel as if school is like one of those children's toys with the shapes and holes. It feels like I am a square shape trying to fit into the circle, triangle, and star holes. I can't find where the square fits.
The light may be at the end of the tunnel, but I can't see it, and this cave is very cold, wet, and sad.
Caleb Gibbs
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